MegaForce
Directed by: Hal Needham
Written by: Bob Kachler, James Whittaker, etc.
Starring: Barry Bostwick, Persis Khambatta, Edward Mulhare
A Turd is still a Turd even in the Eighties.
When the fictional country of Sardun gets fed up with the hit and run border attacks by their equally fictional neighbors Gamibia, they turn to Megaforce for help. Megaforce is a covert multinational military team composed of the worst stereotypes each country has to offer. The top Sardunian military officials, Gen. Edward Byrne-White (Edward Mulhare) and Major Zara (Persis Khambatta), arrange for a secret rendezvous with the elite group. After a display of their martial prowess (shooting balloons with rockets from their black and gold motorbikes) Ace Hunter, the baby blue bandana-wearing badass leader of Megaforce, takes them on a tour of their secret base. We meet Egg, the resident absent-minded scientist, who invents the stuff our heroes use in their missions. At this point I realized that Megaforce was more than just a collection of national stereotypes. It was also filled with broad caricatures pretending to be characters.
Moving on, Ace devises a plan to destroy a military base in less than 4 minutes and lead the Gamibian forces across the border where Sardun can officially attack them. Major Zara trains with Megaforce so she can join the assault. Training with Ace apparently means skydiving with him alone while cheesy love music plays in the background. In the end Ace decides against bringing Zara along as the presence of a woman would be too distracting for his manly men. They’ve already fallen in love though, and planned to meet up in England when all this is over.
Everything goes according to plan. Megaforce barges in, apparently their gold and black vehicles changes color for these covert assignments. The base is destroyed under 4 minutes, we know this because there’s a handy countdown clock in the corner of the screen. General Guerrera, commander of the Gamibian mercenaries and former comrade of Ace, has a surprise for Megaforce. Sardun cannot allow the team to cross the border because that would make their raid a n official act of war – wait a minute? I thought they were trying to do that?! Who cares who starts the damn war! Hold on, dear readers, it only gets dumber from here. Since the only way out of Gamibia is a dry lakebed that can double as a landing strip, Guerrera decides to park all of his forces there. Except that Megaforce is a covert military group with stealth motorbikes that can cross the border under the cover of darkness. It seems that both Ace Hunter and General Guerrera went to the same special military school because they both decide that a confrontation on the dry lakebed was the best idea ever. Guerrara concentrates all his firepower on Megaforce, ignoring the two defenseless carrier planes landing to pick his enemies up. Our heroes board the planes safely but Ace is still missing. He confronts Guerrera and says the greatest line ever written in the English language. “The good guys always win, even in the eighties!” Read more
Best Trailer Ever Sharktopus!
Matt Leach - http://www.mcleach.com
The upcoming Syfy Original movie “Sharktopus” finally has a trailer out. From the cheesy girl group soundtrack to the surprisingly good monster CGI this looks like it’s gonna blow both Megashark and the Giant Octopus out of the water.
Produced by the “King of B-movies” Roger Corman and starring Eric Roberts this has the makings of a cult classic.
Trailer here
Mega Python vs. Gatoroid!
Asylum and SyFy does it again.They have plumbed the depths of my nightmares and dredged up two of the most frightening creatures for a battle of epic proportions. Tiffany vs Debbie Gibson in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid. 
I almost feel bad for the monsters in this monster flick as all eyes will surely be on the two former teen pop stars. Gibson plays an animal rights activist irresponsibly releasing captive pythons from pet stores while Tiffany is a park ranger on the side of the threatened alligators. I’ve read news stories about the ecological damage that pet snakes released into the wild cause but never in my wildest dreams did I say “That sounds like a great Tiffany-Debbie Gibson vehicle!”
Tiffany last starred for SyFy in Mega Piranha and Debbie Gibson in Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.
Full story here.
Splice: Same old Dren?
Dren, the genetically engineered creature at the heart of the new film Splice, looks amazing. From the oddly spaced eyes to the reverse articulated legs there’s more than enough alien in Dren to keep you from thinking she’s another sexy posthuman.
The trailer reminds me of “The Hollow Man” and not in a good way. They’re both films that feature an intriguing science fiction idea and amazing effects work to bring that idea to life. I am hoping that “Splice” distances itself from “The Hollow Man” by not degenerating into an average slasher film by the third act.
Dren, incidentally, is also a word used in Sci-Fi’s Farscape as an alien expletive similar to shit. Watching the trailer for “Splice” I kept asking myself “Is this going to be the next Science Fiction gem or is it the same old Dren?”
Here is the international trailer for “Splice” directed by Vincenzo Natali and starring Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley.
Doctor Who: The Ark In Space
Directed by: Rodney Bennett
Written by: Robert Holmes
Starring: Tom Baker, Elisabeth Sladen, Ian Marter
In the 30th century solar flares have left the Earth a barren waste and the only hope for the human race is the space station Nerva. The titular “Ark In Space”, the station is filled with enough cryogenically suspended humans, plants and animals to restart the planet in 5,000 years. Humanity’s knowledge, history and culture is also stored in its vast microfilm library(what? It was the seventies).
Of course everything goes wrong when an alien insectoid creature sneaks in and sabotages their alarm clock. They finally wake up thousands of years later when the Doctor and his companions Harry Sullivan and Sarah Jane Smith stumble upon the ark. Unfortunately the humans aren’t the only ones they’ve roused. The alien Wirrn, our bug-eyed monsters from millennia ago also wakes and starts feeding off the still-frozen humans. The station commander, Noah (who else?), is accuses the Doctor of sabotage but changes his mind when he becomes Wirrn food and slowly turns into a giant insect himself. The Doctor, his companions and a couple of reanimated sleepers save the day by jettisoning the Wirrn larvae into space.
